Weekend Funnies

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Little Ian Explains This Week in the NEWS

Panel 1
Setting: Ian holding his juice box, grinning at the reader.
Caption: “Hi, I’m Little Ian. I’m here to explain the news because the adults clearly can’t.”

Panel 2
Ian points to a chalkboard with ‘Maryland’ written on it.
Ian: “Governor Wes Moore says schools need more money. Translation: take more from Mom and Dad’s wallet so administrators can go to another workshop called ‘Math is Racist.’”

Panel 3
Ian in front of a cliff cartoon with Democrats marching off behind Chuck Schumer playing a flute.
Ian: “Meanwhile, Van Hollen and Alsobrooks are following Chuck Schumer like it’s field trip day. Only problem: the bus goes right off the cliff.”

Panel 4
Ian at a grocery store checkout with a bag.
Cashier: “That’ll be ten cents for the bag.”
Ian: “Cool — can I pay with Monopoly money? It’s about as real as Montgomery County’s environmental policy.”

Panel 5
Ian in front of a TV showing Biden mumbling with Kamala waving.
Ian: “On the national stage, Biden gave another speech — or as I call it: Amtrak Karaoke Night. And Kamala? She’s still explaining that ‘working to work means work.’ Even Siri’s confused.”

Panel 6
Ian sipping his juice box with a smug grin.
Ian: “And Trump said the economy’s roaring back. Democrats fainted, CNN melted down, and I just finished my juice box. Guess who I trust more?”

A 6-panel comic strip featuring Little Ian, a blond boy in a red polo shirt, humorously explaining Maryland and national politics with a juice box in hand. He mocks Governor Wes Moore’s education spending, depicts Van Hollen and Alsobrooks following Chuck Schumer off a cliff, ridicules Montgomery County’s bag fee, jokes about President Biden’s speech and Vice President Harris’s word salad, and ends by siding with Trump while smugly sipping his juice box.
A 6-panel satirical comic strip titled “It’s Karen!!! The Avenger of Imaginary Slights”, showing Karen being offended by everything during a Sunday dinner with her sister Sarah and brother-in-law Dave.
Karen visits her sister Sarah and brother-in-law Dave for Sunday dinner, finding offense in a welcome mat, an American flag, chicken on the table, sparkling water, family prayer, and even the shape of pie.

It’s Karen!!! The Avenger of Imaginary Slights

Panel 1: Setting: front porch. Sarah opens the door smiling, Dave in background. Karen stands with arms crossed, frowning. Speech bubbles: Karen: ‘Oh no. A welcome mat? That’s exclusionary! Not everyone feels welcome!’ Sarah (eye roll): ‘Hi Karen, nice to see you too…’

Panel 2: Inside living room. Patriotic wall decoration with American flag. Karen gasps dramatically. Dave sips coffee deadpan. Speech bubbles: Karen: ‘An American flag on the wall? Yikes! That’s aggressive nationalism!’ Dave: ‘It’s Patriotic’

Panel 3: Dining room table, food set out. Karen points dramatically. Sarah sighs. Dave smirks. Speech bubbles: Karen: ‘Is that a turkey on the table?! Think of the vegans!’ Sarah: ‘Karen, it’s chicken.’ Dave: ‘And it volunteered.’

Panel 4: Karen at table scowling at glass of water. Dave relaxed. Karen clutches pearls. Speech bubbles: Karen: ‘Tap water? Unfiltered? You’re practically poisoning me!’ Dave: ‘Relax, it’s sparkling water. Imported.’ Karen: ‘Even worse—colonialism in a bottle!’

Panel 5: Family bows heads for grace. Karen throws up hands. Sarah whispers to Dave. Dave smirks. Speech bubbles: Karen: ‘Prayer?! Offensive! What about inclusivity?’ Sarah (whispering): ‘At this point, I think even silence offends her.’ Dave: ‘Shhh, don’t give her ideas.’

Panel 6: Dessert tray with pie. Karen distressed. Dave holds fork smirking. Karen storms off. Speech bubbles: Karen: ‘Pie? Do you realize the patriarchal symbolism of… triangles?!’ Dave: ‘Good news, Karen—your slice is round.’ Karen: ‘I’m filing a complaint with… somebody!’

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Adam Schmidt

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