The War on Parked Cars — Evan Glass’s Bike Lane Revolution

Panel 1 – “The Big Idea”
Scene: Montgomery County Council chamber. Evan Glass stands at the podium with a huge poster behind him reading “Vision Zero = Progress!”
Caption: “Councilmember Evan Glass unveils his latest brainwave.”
Evan (speech bubble): “We’re making it ILLEGAL to park in bike lanes!”
Audience (whispering): “Wait, we have bike lanes?”

Panel 2 – “The Reality Check”
Scene: A wide suburban street. An empty green-painted bike lane stretches for miles. One lonely cyclist pedals by, waving.
Caption: “Dedicated bike lanes—critical safety infrastructure… for that one guy.”
Cyclist (thought bubble): “Finally, it’s all mine.”
Driver (in car, grumbling): “All yours, buddy. All yours.”

Panel 3 – “The Domino Effect”
Scene: A delivery driver, a mom in an SUV, and a senior citizen in a sedan all circle the block looking frustrated.
Caption: “Meanwhile, everyone else just needs… somewhere to park.”
Mom (yelling): “Where do I drop off my kid, Evan?”
Delivery driver: “My burritos are getting cold!”
Senior (grumbling): “I just needed a flu shot, not a marathon.”

Panel 4 – “Vision Zero Theater”
Scene: Glass takes a selfie in front of the empty lane, wearing a reflective vest and grinning.
Caption: “Vision Zero: The art of looking busy.”
Evan (posting on phone): “Making Montgomery County safer for all!”
Behind him: A pedestrian trips on an unlit crosswalk.
Pedestrian (falling): “Hey, how about fixing this?”

Panel 5 – “The Consequences”
Scene: Rush hour. Drivers are gridlocked while the empty bike lane gleams next to them.
Caption: “Progress in action.”
Driver (shouting out window): “If I pay taxes for this lane, can I at least use it to cry in?”
Cyclist (zooming by): “Sorry, that’s illegal too.”

Panel 6 – “The Punchline”
Scene: Evan Glass rides triumphantly down the empty lane, waving. Behind him, cars honk and a delivery truck gets ticketed.
Caption: “Montgomery County: safer for bikes… if only we could find them.”
Evan (cheerful): “Another victory for Vision Zero!”
Driver (sarcastic): “Congrats, Evan. You’ve achieved Parking Zero.”

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Ian Schwartz

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