Oh look—another fundraising email from Evan Glass, our very own County Council’s Resident Court Jester. He took a brief pause between spoonfuls of Cherry Garcia and self-righteous outrage to remind us all that there shall be “no kings in America.” Yes, Evan, we know—you’ve been rehearsing that line in front of your ring light for weeks.
Let’s get one thing straight. Nobody—literally nobody—is trying to crown a monarch in Montgomery County. But apparently, when Evan Glass sees a Trump rally or a MAGA hat, he pictures Henry VIII stomping through Wheaton Plaza demanding fealty. Maybe someone should tell him this isn’t the Tudors; it’s Target on Georgia Avenue.
Evan’s email reads like a Hallmark card written by ChatGPT after three soy lattes:
“Neighbors stood shoulder to shoulder—teachers, federal workers, small business owners, and immigrant families.”
Adorable. Except he forgot to mention taxpayers. You know—the ones footing the bill for his feel-good “equity” programs and climate change PR stunts.
And let’s talk about this “grassroots movement.” Oh please. Every time a Democrat says “grassroots,” an ActBlue server somewhere catches fire from overuse. Evan wants you to think his campaign runs on bake sales and kumbaya. In reality, it runs on developer money, union donations, and the same old party machine that’s been draining Montgomery County dry for decades.
Meanwhile, he’s out here railing against “big donors” while collecting checks from every PAC that thinks solar panels will save the planet faster than balanced budgets will. I can almost hear him practicing his stump speech: “Friends, my campaign is powered by people. And by ‘people,’ I mean lobbyists, consultants, and that one guy who owns three EV charging stations in Bethesda.”
Now let’s decode his closing rally cry:
“No kings. No dictators. Just us.”
Translation: Vote Democrat, because we’re the only ones allowed to tell you how to live your life.
Funny how the same folks who preach “democracy” spent four years trying to overturn the 2016 election, then cheered when Big Tech silenced half the country during the 2020 one. But sure, Evan, tell us more about keeping “democracy in the hands of the people.”
Let’s be honest. If there were a monarchy in Montgomery County, Evan Glass would be the Royal Ice Cream Taster. His throne? A folding chair at a “No Kings” rally. His scepter? A reusable spoon from Ben & Jerry’s. His royal decree? More taxes, more mandates, and more self-congratulation.
Because what’s his actual platform? Not lowering your property taxes. Not fixing traffic on I-270. Not bringing back small businesses crushed by lockdowns. No, his plan is to stop “kings.” Newsflash, Evan—nobody wants a king. We just want a competent county executive who doesn’t think leadership means lecturing the rest of us about diversity while downtown Silver Spring looks like it lost a bet with a trash truck.
And the irony is so rich it could be taxed under his next “equity initiative.” Evan and his progressive friends run the County Council like their own private kingdom. They hand out favors to insiders, silence dissent, and punish anyone who dares question their sacred policies. Yet they have the audacity to accuse Trump supporters of authoritarianism? Please.
Donald Trump didn’t tell you which car to drive, what bags to use at the grocery store, or what words you can say on social media. That’s your side, Evan. The same people who scream “no dictators” while drafting county regulations longer than a CVS receipt.
You know what MAGA really stands for in Montgomery County? It’s not some scary cult. It’s the people who still believe in merit, free speech, and paying less than $6 for gas. It’s the guy running a lawn care business who just wants to keep more of his paycheck. It’s the teacher who’s tired of woke lesson plans. It’s the retired couple watching their taxes rise while the roads crumble. Those are the neighbors Evan pretends to speak for.
So while Evan Glass is busy polishing his plastic crown and writing one more melodramatic fundraising email, the rest of us are focused on something real—taking Montgomery County back from the political aristocracy that’s been running it into the ground.
Because here’s the truth: The only “kings” around here are the Democrats who’ve ruled this county unchallenged for 40 years. They’ve taxed, banned, and regulated everything but common sense. And now they’re terrified someone might actually challenge their throne.
So no, Evan, we’re not looking for kings. We’re looking for leaders. And if you think eating ice cream and tweeting about “democracy” makes you one—you’re even more out of touch than your fundraising team.
Now pass the sprinkles, Your Highness.
Sources:
- Montgomery County Council public campaign finance data, 2025, Maryland Campaign Reporting System.
- ActBlue Donor Transparency Portal, “Glass for Montgomery” filings, 2024–2025.
- Maryland Policy Institute, “The Fiscal Decline of Montgomery County,” May 2024.
- Bureau of Labor Statistics, “Regional Inflation and Cost of Living, Washington–Arlington–Alexandria Metro,” August 2025.
Ian Schwartz is a columnist for Direct Line Contact at Ian.Schwartz@mcgopclub.com
Direct Line News is a Maryland-based free-access publication committed to the Republican reform tradition.
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