Maryland Politicians: Rolling Over Like a Lab Puppy While the “Commanders” Pack Their Bags

You ever watch a dog flop onto its back and just beg for a belly rub?
Yeah — that’s Maryland politicians right now.
Except instead of begging for treats, they’re rolling over and playing dead while the Washington Redskins (sorry, Commanders — quick, someone grab the pearls and the fainting couch) get ready to bolt from Maryland and move back to DC.

The team Maryland taxpayers basically gift-wrapped a stadium for in Landover is now batting its eyelashes at DC like an ex who’s suddenly “finding themselves” — and Maryland’s fearless leaders are standing there like jilted lovers without even mustering a passive-aggressive Facebook post.

And leading the pack of do-nothings?
Our governor, Wes “Spend More” Moore.
While DC’s busy laying out a red carpet longer than a Taylor Swift concert tour, Wes was too busy coming up with new ways to squeeze more tax dollars out of Marylanders.
Gas tax? Rain tax? Bag tax? Sneeze tax?
You name it — Wes is probably workshopping it.
But keep a billion-dollar football franchise that generates jobs, tax revenue, and, you know, a reason for people to come to Prince George’s County?
Pfft.
Too complicated. Not nearly as trendy as taxing reusable shopping bags and dreaming up new “equity initiatives” that basically just mean “pay more for less.”

Meanwhile, DC’s Mayor Bowser is rolling out the royal treatment — speeches, promises of new infrastructure, possibly even scented candles and free emotional support animals — while Maryland politicians can’t even be bothered to act like they care.

Honestly, it’s giving strong “1984 Colts” energy.
You know who’s already reliving the trauma?
Mr. Kaplan — Bobby Kaplan’s dad.
The poor guy still tears up every time he sees a Mayflower moving van.
Seriously. One passes by, and it’s like he’s flashing back to that cold, rainy Baltimore morning when the Colts skipped town like a bunch of thieves in the night.
Now, here we go again — just waiting for the Mayflower trucks to rumble down Route 50, hazard lights blinking sadly, hauling away another piece of Maryland pride.

And what about Northwest Park?
That glorious empty wasteland near FedEx Field they kept hyping as the “future of Maryland football tourism”?
Well, give it a few years and it’ll be Maryland’s answer to Stonehenge — a random pile of rocks where people wander around and say,
“Wow, who built this? And why?”
Visitors will gaze at the empty fields where dreams once lived and mutter,
“Legend has it… there used to be football here.”
Maybe we can even get a gift shop. “I Went to Northwest Park and All I Got Was This Depressing Keychain.”

But hey — don’t worry!
Maryland’s still a world leader in banning plastic straws, mandating diversity audits, and hosting $10-a-bag farmer’s markets.
Who needs an NFL team anyway?

Priorities, people. Priorities.

Maybe we should just change the Maryland welcome sign to:
“Welcome to Maryland: Come for the taxes, stay because the moving trucks are all booked.”

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Ian Schwartz

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