Karen Rosen: Ten Items or Less (Unless You’re a Democrat)

Panel 1 – The Setup: “The Senate Supermarket”

• Scene: The U.S. Senate chamber reimagined as a grocery store.
• Caption: “Welcome to Washington’s finest express lane—Ten Bills or Less!”
• Characters: Senators push shopping carts full of bills and amendments.
• Focus: Sen. Jacky ‘Karen’ Rosen in a neat suit, clutching a clipboard and glaring at a “10 Items or Less” sign.
• Speech Bubble (Rosen): “Excuse me, Senator — that’s eleven appropriations!”

Panel 2 – The Rule Enforcer

• Scene: Rosen stands guard at the checkout lane like a hall monitor.
• Caption: “Every store needs a manager … or at least someone who acts like one.”
• Action: She’s counting another senator’s items — milk (Defense bill), eggs (Tax cut), freedom amendment.
• Speech Bubble (Rosen): “You can’t scan that — not on my watch!”

Panel 3 – The Ohio Showdown

• Scene: The Republican senator from Ohio nervously holds a half-empty basket.
• Caption: “He just wanted to buy milk and freedom.”
• Speech Bubble (Ohio Senator): “Ma’am, I just need to get through the aisle…”
• Speech Bubble (Rosen): “Rules are rules — and I wrote them!”

Panel 4 – The Economic Mess in Aisle Five

• Scene: Background chaos — prices skyrocketing on shelves labeled Inflation, Gas, Rent.
• Caption: “Meanwhile … in Aisle Five …”
• Action: Shoppers groan as Rosen ignores them, still lecturing about “working families.”
• Speech Bubble (Rosen): “I’m helping families by raising awareness!”
• Thought Bubble (Shopper): “How about lowering prices instead?”

Panel 5 – Karen’s Grand Speech

• Scene: Rosen stands atop a milk crate giving a dramatic address.
• Caption: “Karen Rosen, Defender of the Express Lane Order.”
• Action: She’s wagging her finger while holding a “For the Children” poster; a cashier sighs in the background.
• Speech Bubble (Rosen): “I’m not mad … just disappointed in your shopping habits!”

Panel 6 – Final Punchline

• Scene: The Ohio senator sneaks out with his small basket while Rosen argues with the cashier.
• Caption: “In the Senate supermarket, some Karens never clock out.”
• Speech Bubble (Rosen): “Excuse me! I need to speak to the Manager of America!”
• Background Sign: “Customer Service Closed — Try Again Next Election.”

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Alex Luther

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