New York City voters, gather around. You’ve got a choice coming up that feels like one of those “pick your own nightmare” games. On the ballot, we’ve got Zohran Mamdani, the self-appointed “People’s Commissar of Queens,” and Andrew Cuomo, the guy whose pandemic management plan could be summarized as “lock Grandma in a room and throw away the key.” And then—thankfully—there’s Curtis Sliwa, the man in the red beret who actually loves New York enough to fight for it, even when this city treats him like he’s auditioning for a rejected Marvel spin-off called The Guardian Angel Nobody Wanted.
Let’s start with Mamdani. If Lenin and AOC had a kid and raised him on free oat milk lattes in Astoria, that kid would be Zohran Mamdani. He’s the guy who thinks the NYPD is the problem, not the gangs, the fentanyl, or the random subway fights that look like rejected John Wick scenes. His campaign slogan might as well be:
“Why stop at defunding the police when we can just abolish them and hand out therapy cats instead?”
Under Mamdani, your local precinct would turn into a yoga studio. Instead of cops, we’d get “community dialogue facilitators” whose only weapon is a box of gluten-free muffins and a QR code for conflict resolution podcasts. And if you get mugged, don’t worry! Mamdani will personally send a strongly worded letter to your attacker reminding them of their systemic oppression and promising free rent if they promise to stab fewer people next time.
Then there’s Chris Cuomo. Remember him? The guy whose entire pandemic plan was basically: “Isolate every old person like they’re a character in Castaway, and hope Tom Hanks shows up with a volleyball.” Cuomo single-handedly turned New York nursing homes into horror movies. While his brother Chris was out there doing his best “love me, I’m America’s Governor” tour, Chris was playing TV tough guy while defending policies that left thousands of seniors to die alone.
Cuomo’s political philosophy could be summed up as: “I’m always right because I yell louder than you.” Imagine four years of that, except now he gets to sign laws. And let’s not forget, this is the same guy who thinks the NYPD is just a branding problem and that violent criminals are really just misunderstood. Under Cuomo 2.0, you’ll be able to get stabbed on the subway and then tune into his podcast where he explains how it’s actually your fault for taking the subway.
Mamdani and Cuomo together represent the political equivalent of choosing between Stalin and Mao for mayor. Stalin—uh, Mamdani—will starve the city of law enforcement until we’re all bartering for safety in Washington Square Park. Mao—sorry, Cuomo—will lock down the entire city because a single flu strain sneezes in our direction, while handing the keys of the criminal justice system to TikTok influencers.
Now, contrast that with Curtis Sliwa. I know, I know—he wears a red beret and has more cats than most small animal shelters. But hear me out: Sliwa loves this city. He’s been riding the subways since before Mamdani was holding his first drum circle. He created the Guardian Angels when the city was on the brink in the 70s and 80s. While our “leaders” were hiding in offices and holding press conferences about “root causes of crime,” Sliwa was literally breaking up muggings with nothing but a jacket and a pair of Nikes.
Curtis Sliwa is the kind of guy who doesn’t need a focus group to tell him that people are tired of being pushed onto subway tracks. He doesn’t need to check in with some woke academic to know that a city without police is a city that doesn’t exist. He’s not afraid to say the obvious:
- Crime is bad.
- Criminals should be arrested.
- Your grandmother deserves to take the bus without auditioning for The Hunger Games.
Sliwa gets New York in a way the other two couldn’t even fake. While Mamdani is planning his next “Workers’ Utopia” TikTok and Cuomo is working on his next podcast episode about how he’s a misunderstood genius, Sliwa is out there in the streets, actually doing something. He’s the guy who’d rather fix the subway than philosophize about it over craft cocktails in Brooklyn.
And honestly, this election is simple. Do you want a city run by someone who thinks Che Guevara would have been a great mayor? Do you want the return of the Cuomo Family Drama Hour, complete with executive orders that treat your apartment like a prison cell? Or do you want the guy who’s been fighting for New Yorkers since bell-bottoms were in style the first time?
Elect Mamdani, and you’ll get socialism with a side of skyrocketing crime. Elect Cuomo, and you’ll get lockdowns, lectures, and more funerals for policies gone wrong. Elect Curtis Sliwa, and you might actually get a fighting chance at a livable city again.
So, New York, the choice is yours: Stalin, Mao, or the guy in the red beret. I know where my vote’s going.
Jacob Silver is a Contributor for Direct Line News and can be contacted at Jacob.Silver@mcgopclub.com.
Direct Line News is a Maryland-based free-access publication committed to the Republican reform tradition.
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